Parenting a girl in the family: how to raise a daughter happy
How to teach a daughter self-confidence, psychologists advise.
Parenting a girl
If we asked the parents of the sample of the beginning of the twentieth century, what kind of future they wish for their daughter, of course, we would hear that the main thing is to successfully marry, have children, and be an excellent housewife. Parents of the last century would say that they dream of a prestigious profession for their daughter - let her become, for example, a doctor, teacher or translator. Well, modern mothers and fathers are likely to answer: the main thing is that the daughter learns to be happy. The psychology of raising a girl has changed.
Yes, just three generations ago, successful marriage was almost the limit of the female “career” - for this, from early childhood, it was important for the girl to learn to be feminine, needlework, economic, modest. Now, daughters are much less likely to convey the idea of restrictions, behavior that is characteristic only of girls, suitable games and toys, and, of course, the need to give in, to be obedient, soft and patient - simply because “you are a girl”.
But even today, one should not strive to raise a certain “ideal” girl, plan ahead what qualities she should have: after all, a specific child grows in every family - with its own characteristics, temperament, preferences and inclinations, talents and imperfections. The main task of raising a girl in the family is only to help reveal all the best that the child has, to realize their potential. And, of course, this fully applies to all children, regardless of gender. You are lucky, because girls are a whole world: beauty and love, mischief and courage, curiosity, trepidation, sensitivity and emotionality. However, there are unshakable foundations of a happy and harmonious life - a positive attitude towards oneself, following one’s nature, the joy of living and being oneself, kindness and warmth. And the sooner you teach this to your daughter, the happier she will be. How to listen to a child.
Secrets of raising a girl in the family
"What I feel?" Help your daughter learn how to express emotions.
Girls differ from boys in expressed emotionality and high receptivity, this is natural and biologically determined. It is important at the same time to grow up not a capricious princess, but a thin, sensitive and reasonable girl. Your task is to help your daughter understand the emotions and feelings experienced, and it is important to do this without judgment and criticism. What seems capricious often turns out to be just the complexity of understanding and expressing feelings and needs. It is important for everyone to have the right to recognition of their feelings!
- Help the girl to name her emotions, kindly voicing them (“You are angry now”, “You are offended now”
- Recognize the daughter’s right to feel what she feels, even if it seems to you that in this situation there is absolutely nothing to be offended, say, she has the right to her feelings, and you to her own. Do not judge the child’s feelings, no matter how strange or inappropriate they may seem to you.
- Sometimes it’s useful to leave your daughter alone, alone, to give time to relive emotions. In the heat of passion it is difficult to conduct a dialogue - “debriefing” is better to postpone until a calm state.
- More often let the girl do what she wants, but within the limits of what is permitted. Feelings are a signal of the presence of needs, it is important to be able to recognize and choose them. For example, it is important to independently learn to choose clothes - not prickly, comfortable, suitable for the occasion, season, weather. The ability to choose, focusing on your feelings, is an important skill, it will be useful to your daughter throughout life: what to wear, with whom to be friends, whom to marry. Discuss the basis for choice, teach a reasonable approach.
- Name your emotions and feelings. This is important for the proper upbringing of the girl. Children do not read adults' emotions very well: you may be upset by problems at work, immersed in your worries, and it seems to the child that you are angry with him. In order not to torment the baby with obscurity, tell her: “You know, I have trouble at work, I’m angry at my boss. I need some time to recover. But now I will rest and will definitely chat with you. ” So you teach her to adequately deal with feelings.
- In any situation, tell your daughter that you love her. These words can never be superfluous! This is especially true during emotional outbursts and misunderstandings. Say that you love her, that she is very dear to you, and immediately everything will become easier.
- Disassemble the emotions of characters in books and films, learn to analyze the feelings of other people. By observing others, we learn to better understand ourselves and communicate. Teach your daughter that we are all different, experience different feelings and manifest them differently, so it is important to learn to understand people. Discuss the actions of movie heroes: “Why do you think the heroine behaved this way?” What did she feel? What else could she do in this situation? What would you do? ”
Pay attention to children's books, where the main characters are girls with a variety of characters, life circumstances. By the way, reading together greatly improves mutual understanding, supports your affection for each other. 100 best books for children under 7 years.
Parenting a teenage girl
Parenting a teenage girl
Today, the demand of society to be physically perfect has practically been reduced to absurdity: “ideal” women look at us from the pages of magazines, from TV screens, even under the influence of mass culture, even younger schoolgirls think about whether they have excess weight. Negative attitude to their appearance greatly limits the lives of women, deprives them of joy. Many girls are worried about body problems, often based on nothing, and the consequences can be very serious, up to anorexia. How to recognize bulimia in a teenager, read here.
From early childhood, girls gradually become interested in their appearance: to think whether they are beautiful or not, to compare themselves with others. Daughter turns in front of a mirror? This is completely normal, and your task is to maintain her confidence in her attractiveness. And it’s not at all in order for someone to definitely like it: it’s important not the opinions of others, not an external assessment, but how we relate to ourselves, what we want.
Your close and trusting relationship with your daughter will help her grow a confident, harmonious personality.
Proper education of girls
- Let the daughter know that she is beautiful, but do not stop at the praises of physical beauty. Tell your daughter how you see her. Noting the external (smile, hair color, harmonious addition), talk about the internal qualities - a sense of humor, excellent imagination, quick wit and friendliness. In adolescence, a daughter may say that your opinion does not count, but be sure that she will hear your words and remember them. Make it a habit to talk about the strengths and weaknesses of other people regardless of their appearance. So you teach your daughter that a person’s value is not measured by the appearance, but by inner qualities and actions. This will help her and judge herself not by the “cover”.
- Teach your daughter to rejoice at the dissimilarity to others, explain that all people are different, each is unique, their differences from each other - it's great. Girls are experiencing social pressure, striving to be the same, corresponding to some kind of "model", instead of rejoicing at what are all different. Observe what qualities of character, features of behavior are in her friends.
- Consider glossy magazines together, explain that the images of models are only half true, because these are photos that have undergone retouching, significant processing, and in real life there are no such ideal girls and women, do not be equal to them. Carry out a funny and ironic experiment: process photos - yours and your teenage daughters - in a special program, cover up all pimples, stretch out all the imperfections of the figure, correct the skin tone
etc.Print a photo and place it in a prominent place called: “We are the stars!”.
- Do not criticize your appearance, the state of the body in the presence of a daughter: your dissatisfaction with yourself will only make her think that being a woman means constantly worrying about her figure and appearance, manically monitoring her weight, loudly suffering about imperfections, and sadness over signs of aging. Help her create a positive attitude towards the body: an internal sense of beauty, confidence in the health, capabilities, energy, strength and flexibility of her body are very important. Work on yourself and on the realization of your own attractiveness.
- Help her daughter find a suitable, pleasant kind of sport in which she would feel and develop her body. Not in order to be perfect, but in order to enjoy the movements and enjoy their flexibility, dexterity. And even better - play sports with the whole family.
- Teach the girl caring for the body: from early childhood, she should know that it is important to get enough sleep, maintain hygiene, and take care of skin, hair, and teeth.
- From childhood, lay an adequate attitude to nutrition. Tell us what good nutrition is. This is not a diet at all, but a balance of feelings of hunger and feelings of satiety. Young children, for example, feel good when they are hungry and when they have eaten enough. Explain to your daughters that food is the body’s reaction to hunger, and it’s important to eat only when you experience it. Also, do not force your daughters to eat up, eat through power, let them eat as much as they need. Violence in relation to nutrition violates eating behavior, and further leads to overeating or refusal of food.
- Teach your daughter to enjoy the changes taking place with her body. Share her emotions, instill confidence that a beautiful flower will blossom from a small bud: “You gradually become such an adult, turn into a real woman!” The girl will be able to rely on your recognition and positive attitude in the future. This is very important in raising a teenage girl.
The daughter’s communication with her father is her first experience in exploring the world of men, and how confident and safe she feels next to him, forms her positive self-image, affects not only their relationship, but also which companion the girl will choose further. Parenting Girls: 15 Things Every Dad Should Know
- Communicating with your daughter, speak without pressure, do not impose your ideas - pressure can cause a backlash and rejection, a desire to do the opposite. Discuss contentious issues in a discussion format, respect the opinion of your daughter, even if it differs from yours. This attitude allows you to build a more confidential dialogue between you and the child.
- Do not be afraid of her adolescence. Yes, while the daughter is small, most of your relationship is a bodily contact: fussing, noisy games, hugs before bedtime. The daughter is growing - and the distance between you is increasing, your relationship is changing, this is completely normal. But a mischievous teenager and an adult girl need daddy’s love and support no less than the three-year-old “princess”, and if you clearly move away from her, she will simply begin to doubt your love. So find new, no less convincing manifestations of it: attention and interest in the affairs and problems of your daughter, joint walks, sports or hobbies, serious conversations, time that you spend only together.
- Do not be afraid to compliment the growing daughter, support her developing femininity. It is very important at the same time to regularly give compliments to her mother - the children perfectly notice how you feel about her. A daughter should know that the main woman for her father is his wife, her mother, and parents act as an indivisible monolith, the roles in the family are stable once and for all - there are adults, there is a child.
- Do not insist on choosing a profession if your daughter does not share your opinion. Both preparation for entering a university and study are an excellent occasion to be together, to make it clear to your daughter that you support her. Proper education of the girl is the key to her happiness and your good relations in the future.